Have you ever dated or been in a relationship with someone who appeared to put you down at every convert and sabotage you? Who treated your achievements with contempt or your success with callous indifference? If so, you may have come across a pathologically envious narcissist. This type of envy, while common among narcissists isn’t just limited to malignant narcissists. Yet narcissistic abusers are more likely to be driven by their envy to activate in damaging behavior towards others in a manner that is chronic, harmful, and impactful. When you have experienced a relationship with a malignant narcissist, you are also the main topic of their pathological envy probably.
While envy is certainly not the only reason narcissists put victims down, it is the area of the reason they feel they need to regain power. Understand that narcissists pick victims they deem to have something valuable. They surround themselves with people they perceive to be “special and unique” – in truth, that is part of the diagnostic requirements for their disorder also! Simultaneously, narcissists despise the fact that their targets have traits, resources, and attributes that they covet and are powered to reinforce their sense of superiority. When going unchecked, pathological envy can be a silent killer in relationships. The sufferer of someone pathological envy may suffer backlash else’s, sabotage, or abuse because of their success.
1. The inability to congratulate others on employment well done. As obvious as this behavior might seem, it often goes needs and unnoticed to be resolved if it is part of the chronic behavior pattern. This is someone who cannot even muster the ability to say congratulations when another person is succeeding. A pathologically envious person will find ways to instead detract from your success by asking questions that minimize it, deflate it or altogether ignore it. A genuine friend, supportive relative, co-worker or partner can say, “Congratulations!
” or “I am so pleased with you! ” because they really are happy for your success and are secure within themselves to commemorate it. They are not threatened by the joy of others nor do they need to constantly find ways to undermine it. For instance, when narcissistic parents are envious and hypercritical of their own children, these children develop an incapability to self-validate and internalize this lack of affirmation as proof of their unworthiness.
“Victims of pathological envy carry an insidious inescapable shame, which enforces the edict that one’s gifts are a threat, accountable for instigating emotions of resentment, inadequacy and therefore, envy.”- Pathological Envy: Can Self-Worth Be Reclaimed? As a result, the child does not establish a healthy level of confidence on in their abilities early, skill sets or sense of self. This may lead to self-sabotaging behaviors later in adulthood, as they hide themselves and bury their gifts in order to escape the same punishment, invalidation, and hypercriticism they received in childhood. 2. A continuous redirection to one’s self when he or she is not in the heart of attention.
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- “It’s the East, and Juliet is the sun!” -Romeo
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This can likewise incorporate excluding, alienating, and ostracizing the victim by bullying them in public circles. A pathologically envious person will see ways to ‘divert’ from your success, particularly if they experience discomfort at the fact it places you at the guts of attention, garnering the praise they feel eligible for.
They may redirect the discussion back to themselves and their own accomplishments, engage in a covert put-down or a backhanded compliment, or change the topic completely. A pathologically envious narcissistic person may even go as far as to sabotage your success or try to surpass you in a manner that brings them back to the limelight.
In the context of larger cultural groups, an effective target may also be humiliated by the perpetrator who are able to ‘recruit’ allies to become listed on in on the bullying. This is a screen of the general public shaming that serves to silence the victim’s satisfaction in his / her accomplishments. The sufferer learns to be ‘calm’ about achievements she or he worked well hard for in an effort to don’t be targeted. Smear promotions, gossiping and rumor-mongering are common when a narcissist ‘leads’ his / her harem to draw down the victim in any way they can.